On an Australian airline’s website we found content designed to help: “Here are seven of [Perth’s] best examples of nihon ryori,” it promises. The list starts with Tsunami in genteel Mosman Park. Nihon ryori is, I gather, Japanese food. And Japanese food is, for me anyway, the quintessential restaurant food.

It sounded promising. It also sounded bloody hilarious. For on the restaurant’s website is a list of FAQs suggesting the place is run by someone exhibiting the hybrid characteristics of Basil Fawlty and the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld. Examples? “Can I have a spoon for miso soup?” No. “This place doesn’t look very Japanese to me.” Neither does Japan nowadays. “Is that waitress/waiter single? What about the chef?” Ask them. Masa is single & the most shy chef in Perth. Ask him a question about his food. He loves that.

And this: “Why do you have a ‘cross’ (not recommended) rating?” Most of the menu’s dishes have a star rating or, in some cases “X: Not recommended but popular so we keep it on.” Some dishes we “have” to do. Teriyaki chicken for example. People like & want them. And who are we to say no? We’re simply here to feed people. But honestly, there are better things on the menu.

And then there’s the menu itself. Item 99 is $19.90. It’s “a round of beers for the kitchen”.

Mosman Park is about halfway between the city and Fremantle, and Tsunami, according to its website, is about 15 years old, although it could be more. It feels like it inside. The windows are filthy (it overlooks a ramshackle courtyard), some of the lights don’t work and when staff stand on chairs to fix one in the middle of Saturday night service, and the whole light fitting falls to the ground, they shout a traditional Japanese expression that sounds very much like “shit, f…” The host doesn’t bat an eyelid.

The airline’s content suggests going off-piste and accessing unusual food here. Sitting, menu in hand, with the rather green waitstaff on the case (ask for a bottle of wine and they ask you to wait until they come back with the tablet), it was impossible to see how we were doing anything but old school. And all that wit and character suggested on their website is completely lost in translation. There is nothing sarcastic or witty about Tsunami.

Sashimi arrives with no explanation (it’s salmon, tuna and “white fish”, we’re later told). It’s fine. Ditto the nigiri; it’s obviously eel, calamari, salmon, tuna, prawn and “white fish” with powdered wasabi paste. (Good) agedashi tofu “and friends” includes a terrible lentil salad, braised eggplant and vegetable spring rolls. Quail gyoza are quite good; their version of miso-cured “cod” reasonable. Same same for the tempura prawns.

We took a picture of the long black hair that came out of the rice. Neither of us has long black hair. By this stage, we had no desire for dessert. On the upside, wine prices are fair and the sake selection vast.

So while the owner of Tsunami clearly has a fine sense of humour, he or she also has complacency issues. And that’s not funny.

This review originally appeared on theaustralian.com.au.