This beloved Richmond cafe and food store (celebrating its 70th birthday this year, hooray!) is better known for its excellent coffee and the huddle that rivals game days at the nearby MCG as people vie for their fix. But shake fans might want to soak up some of that old-school Mediterranean ambience while they get their own caffeine injection in the form of a double espresso milkshake. Going hard on the flavour and big on the nostalgic vibes, it’s a milkshake with its Melbourne bona fides intact. Turn it into a thickshake for a few extra bucks, or malt it up. 44 Rowena Pde, Richmond; rowenacornerstore.com

If you’re hankering for a proper old-school milkshake that could have time-travelled all the way from 1950s Smalltown USA to modern-day Melbourne, you need to pull up a booth at Operator Diner. Varsity jackets are a viable fashion option amid the retro style of this joint near the Wesley Uniting Church and beloved bar Caretaker’s Cottage. Vanilla, chocolate and strawberry win points for their fidelity to the ideal, but matcha strawberry wins the day for its saucy colour juxtaposition. Served like nature intended in a tall fluted glass, all go down very well with double-stacked buttermilk pancakes and maple syrup. Shop 2/ 130 Lonsdale St, Melbourne; operatordiner.com.au

Bolstering the argument that the best milkshakes are born in American-style burger joints, this unabashedly flag-waving chain keeps up its end of the bargain with some excellent examples of the craft. Chocolate ripple is the standard bearer for choc lovers, but you can expand your flavour horizons with eight other choices, including honeycomb and a retro-tastic blue heaven, and you can even go patriotically Australian with a Milo flavour. Whether you’ll be able to finish a double-patty Rockefeller beef and chicken burger, waffle fries and a shake in the same sitting should probably be taken under doctor’s advice. Multiple locations; newyorkminute.com.au

Picture this: you’ve just finished sweating your way up and down the 1000 Steps walk in the Dandenong Ranges National Park and you’re dying for a cold bevvy. Enter Lorna, the good-looking Ferntree Gully cafe five minutes’ drive away, where lycra is a way of life. Owners Josh O’Brien and Omar Viramontes use ethically produced single-origin milk from Otway Pastures, and otherwise stick to the milkshake script: caramel, chocolate, vanilla or strawberry. Make it a thickshake, if you dare, and consume in the guilt-free certainty that you’ve earned it. Hell, why not throw in some Southern fried chicken and waffles, too? 1053 Burwood Hwy, Ferntree Gully; lornamelbourne.com.au

It’s easy to be overwhelmed at Five Guys’ claim that they offer more than 1000 possible shake combinations (in fact, you might need a quick lie-down to process that information), but keep your cool when approaching this American-style burger joint. Start with a vanilla base, then customise to your heart’s content with as many mix-ins as you like. Strawberry, we’re looking at you; and banana, and Oreo cookies, and bacon – yes – bacon, which they swear goes beautifully with a chocolate, peanut butter and salted caramel number. Finish things off with a whipped cream topping if you’re feeling Elvis-level bold. Multiple locations; fiveguys.com.au

Taste the rainbow with Dolce House’s assortment of gelatos churned into shake form. A minimum of 24 flavours (they promise, and we believe them) means there’s a world of choice at your disposal, starting at the perfectly tame strawberry and vanilla and winding up at the decidedly wild walnut baklava, fairy bread and pavlova. The mighty Dolshakes are a tribute act to the riotously over-the-top ‘freakshakes’ that took the world by storm in 2015. Piled high with all sorts of candied frippery including Tim Tams, gummies, Biscoff biscuits and chocolate-covered marshmallows, they’re like a challenge wrapped in a dare. 225 Tucker Rd, McKinnon; dolcehouse.com.au

The name comes from the legendary ‘Royale with cheese’ scene in Tarantino’s hit flick Pulp Fiction. But while the burgers here are indeed tasty, if you’re jonesing for the kind of shake Uma Thurman ordered at Jack Rabbit Slims before the coolest dance-off in the history of cinema, you’ve come to the right place. The vanilla thickshake would do Mrs Mia Wallace proud, but you can also branch out into a retro choc mint, cookies and cream or double choc, get fruity with banana or blueberry, or go grown-up with Lavazza coffee. Which is the best? You never can tell. 1 Church St, Brighton; pantry.com.au/royale

An artisan gelaterie from the mini-supergroup of chef Adam D’Sylva and pastry chef Monika Frkovic proved a great idea right from when it scooped its first in 2021. Both formerly of Coda and Tonka, they know their way around a flavour range that nails the classics but is confident enough to spread its ambition to specials like butter, pear and walnut or birthday cake (hold the candles). The good news for the `hood(s) is that every flavour can be gussied up into milkshake or thickshake form. Customise your shake with toppings like honeycomb and crumbled cookies, and you’re golden. Multiple locations; bocagelato.com.au

The gelato menu at this franchise that’s focusing its efforts on Melbourne’s suburban fringe and regional Victorian centres opens up a world of milkshakes from Pakenham to Point Cook and Werribee to Warragul. Thirsty punters at these 40-plus Italian-style gelato shops can avail themselves of the pro-milkshake policy with flavours like Oreo (jazzed up with crumbs), bubblegum (with mini marshmallows), ‘Snickas’ with peanut butter and summer fruit crush, which has the option of balancing the vitamin excess with whipped cream. All ask the simple question: why get it in a cone when you can have it in a cup? Multiple locations; augustusgelatery.com.au

There’s little chance of missing the various outlets of this Texan-born, Pakistani-hearted chain, which is busily mushrooming across Australia. Bright and brash, it’s the chance to boost your vitamin intake while also expanding your food vocab, with layered milkshake combos like the mango and chikoo (a small, brown tropical fruit that hails from Mexico and rocks a sweetish, caramel-like flavour). Avocado and banana is another super-thick combo that will take an hour to suck through a straw, while the KitKat shake and Dubai chocolate shake – no explanation needed – are doing their culty thing to help balance out the healthy food pyramid. Multiple locations; aghajuice.com.au