Your journey to burger heaven begins simply with two (yes, two) freshly-ground beef patties and a bun. The patties are fresh, never frozen, hand-shaped, and served well done. Your first challenge is to choose one of four different burgers: a hamburger, cheeseburger, bacon burger, or bacon cheeseburger. For those on a mini-quest, order the “little” version; it has only one patty, but by no means is it pint-sized. The real adventure though is with the 15 toppings: lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, green capsicum, jalapeños, relish, onions, mayo, ketchup, mustard, hot sauce, BBQ sauce, and H.P. – as much as you want, as many as you want. They’re all free with purchase. Mathematicians will tell you there are about 250,000 possible combinations, but with some clever construction, it’s infinity and beyond. Still, if this is your first foray into Five Guys order the “All the Way” which comes loaded with mayo, lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, ketchup, and mustard. Oh, and same goes for their hot dogs. You can have it nice and simple, with cheese or bacon and of course, all those toppings.

A great burger calls for great fries. Not good, but great! For optimal freshness, they start the day by hand-cutting Australian potatoes, skin on, and then twice-frying them in 100% peanut oil – once to pre-cook, then a second time to get that crispy outside and mashed potato-ey softness inside. You can have them with just salt but why would you possibly do that when you can have them with Cajun seasoning? Why? Just why?

Put away the decoder rings and save the hand-signals for pub-night, off-menu orders are an open secret. Actually, you’re encouraged to go crazy with our creations. Legend has it there was once The Presidential; it was Barack Obama’s favourite burger – a cheeseburger with lettuce, tomatoes, jalapeños and mustard. But it’s not just about toppings. For the over-achiever or anyone after a week’s worth of calories in one go, there is the Double-Grilled Cheeseburger – a marvel of burger construction made with any number of beef patties between two grilled cheese sandwiches, but if that seems to eclipse your appetite, go for its little brother, the Patty Melt, a grilled cheese sandwich with one patty. Those in the know, know that you can get extra cheese and extra bacon gratis when you order cheeseburgers and bacon burgers. And while the writing isn’t on the wall, Instagram inspires many other options.

Forget fast-food, Five Guys is more akin to expedient casual dining. Everything is made to order, so you’ll have to wait a tick. Fear not, they’ve got you sorted with free peanuts to abate the hunger and the type of tunes you unashamedly belt out in the car – think ACDC, the Eagles, Billie Eilish and Foo Fighters. (They even have their own curated Spotify playlist “Five Guys: All the Way”) You can grab your meal and go, but it’s more fun hanging around to grab a beer (there’ll be both American and Australia brews onboard) or take advantage of the free soda refills and order a milkshake for dessert. Not just any shake though as these are hand blended with 11 different add-ins including caramel, chocolate, peanut butter and Oreos. And, if your heart so desires, you can order some crumbled applewood-smoked bacon to throw into the mix.

The foundation of any good burger is the bun. Five Guys goes with a freshly baked sesame-topped brioche bun. It’s the same recipe they’ve been using since day dot. Actually, it’s the recipe from the bakery next to their first shop – they just liked it so much, they hired the baker. Made with twice as many eggs as standard buns, which gives them a lighter texture, they’re then grilled not toasted (that’s why you get the caramelised colour). For sandwiches, though, such as the grilled cheese or BLT, they just flip the buns over, flat-side up and grill it to give the requisite crunch. Nice.