As modern diners we are used to getting our own way. It’s rare to go out with a group and have everyone order from the menu without one person requesting at least one change.

But repeated requests for individual menu customisations have infuriated some chefs.

Recently Patrick Friesen, the head chef of the award-winning Queen Chow in Enmore, Sydney, let off steam about the increasing phenomenon of fickle customers picking and choosing which dietary requirements they say they have depending on their mood or the latest fad.

“Can people with dietary requirements start knowing what you can and can’t eat?” Friesen wrote. “Shellfish allergy but loves oyster sauce. Gluten-free but loves gluten as long as it’s not a piece of bread. Vegetarians that love a chicken wing. Pescatarians who eat chicken.”

There are some rules that should never be broken when it comes to ordering in a restaurant. Here are five questions that you should never ask your waiter.

1. Is this gluten-free? I’m coeliac (if you’re not)

One cause of gluten intolerance is coeliac disease. It’s thought that around one in 70 Australians have coeliac disease, which is caused by an abnormal immune response to gluten (a protein found in grains such as wheat, rye, barley and oats) that damages the small bowel and affects food absorption.

The risk, says Friesen, is that with all the different requests coming in, chefs can become complacent and put those with real allergies or intolerances in danger. “Sort your s… out and let your waiter know,” wrote Friesen. “You make it really damn hard for people with actual allergies and dietaries (requirements) to go out to eat.”

2. Can this carbonara be made without the pasta?

Yes it can be. But why bother? The joy of carbonara is the way the eggs, cheese and bacon cling to the al dente strips of spaghetti, fettuccine or linguine. If you don’t want the pasta or gluten hit but want the creamy goodness of the rich sauce, order something else. It’s called carbonara for a reason.

3. Can you make this meat-lovers pizza vegan?

No, they can’t. Unless there’s some hidden wizardry in the kitchen that isn’t advertised on the menu, chefs can’t just magic up umami-packed mock meat to scatter over your pizza.

4. Can I order the salted caramel tart for dessert?  

This one seems innocuous, but chef and baker Glenn Albert recently had a customer who ordered everything gluten-free until dessert when they ordered a salted caramel tart. When informed that the tart contained gluten, the customer replied, “That’s ok, I can have that.”

“They’re not dietary requirements,” Albert wrote on Instagram in reply to Friesen’s original post. “They’re preferences.”

5. Does this menu item have dairy in it? I can’t eat eggs

Eggs are not a dairy product. If you can’t eat dairy you’ll know that you have to avoid milk, cream and butter – anything that is made from the mammary glands of mammals such as cows, goat and sheep.