It seems unlikely that Vanity Fair’s Tina Nguyen is a political fan of Donald Trump, given the reporter’s recent restaurant experience at the president-elect’s namesake bar and grill. Nothing escaped the wrath of Nguyen who turned a subpar lunch into a disparaging (and hilarious) review titled, ‘Trump’s Grill Could Be The Worst Restaurant in America’.

Nguyen opens with her first impressions: “The allure of Trump’s restaurant, like the candidate, is that it seems like a cheap version of rich. The inconsistent menus — literally, my menu was missing dishes that I found on my dining partners’ — were chock-full of steakhouse classics doused with unnecessarily high-end ingredients. The dumplings, for instance, come with soy sauce topped with truffle oil, and the crostini is served with both hummus and ricotta, two exotic ingredients that should still never be combined.”

Even American favourite, the cheeseburger, proved a disappointing experience for Nguyen. She writes: “Renowned butcher Pat LaFrieda once dared me to eat an eyeball that he himself popped out of the skull of a roasted pig. That eyeball tasted better than the Trump Grill’s (Grille’s) Gold Label Burger, a Pat LaFrieda-branded short-rib burger blend moulded into a sad little meat thing, sitting in the centre of a massive, rapidly staling brioche bun, hiding its shame under a slice of melted orange cheese.”

This led Nguyen to deem that if Trump’s approach to leadership is anything like his approach to restaurant cuisine, America is in trouble.

“If the cheeseburger is a quintessential part of America’s identity, Trump’s pledge to “make America great again” suddenly appeared not very promising. (Presumably, Trump’s Great America tastes like an MSG-flavoured kitchen sponge lodged between two other sponges),” she writes. The sides did not fare better, perplexing Nguyen. “It came with overcooked woody batons called “fries” – how can someone mess up fries? – and ketchup masquerading as Heinz.”

Even the interiors of Trump’s Grill came under fire.

“The restaurant features a stingy number of French-ish paintings that look as though they were bought from Home Goods. Wall-sized mirrors serve to make the place look much bigger than it actually is. The bathrooms transport diners to the experience of desperately searching for toilet paper at a Venezuelan grocery store.”

While Trump’s Grill might make for a poor meal, its review makes for an entertaining read.

To see the review in its entirety click here.