Lively, fresh, energetic, and often underestimated, fromage blanc is the Aries of the cheese world. That said, this impatient little cheese has a short shelf life and if you’re not there for its best, you’ll suffer through its worst.

Hard working, loyal, tough, and stubborn, Taurus and mimolette are birds of a feather. Sure they may require a support team to get over the line and take a while to mature but it’s worth the wait for this slow-and-steady bull.

Playful and adaptable, Gemini is the most gregarious guest at the party and everyone loves them, just like the Laughing Cow. On the other hand, Laughing Cows are the equally perfect snack for bathing in the fridge light, enjoying a brief dissociation.

People think of Cancers as the nurturing, motherly type. Which they absolutely can be. They’re also the biggest crybabies in the zodiac. These little crabs lock themselves away in an impenetrable red shell for protection – sound familiar?

Luxurious and decadent, anything less than triple-cream is below the sultry Leo. A blemish-free exterior, and an oozing and yielding interior, Brillat Savarin and Leo get all the attention they so deeply crave. Just don’t forget about them in the fridge or they’ll literally die of neglect.

You need something done right, send in the Virgo. Virgos and Comté are cut from the same cloth – organised, analytical, adaptable for a range of uses, sweet and a little bit nutty (neurotic).

Are you flirting with me, or do you just dress up cute for everyone? The striking orange outfit of Époisses teamed with the sexy little way it drapes across the board is just like the Libra who flirted their way into a relationship and then got annoyed about it.

Intense and spicy, Roquefort lulls you in with its pleasant looks and air of mystery. It will also sting you right at the end, like a scorpion’s tail. Treat Roquefort and Scorpios with respect, or else.

You know exactly what you’re going to get when brie or a Saggitarian shows up. They’re at every party, and by the end of the night they’re a mess – but everyone enjoyed them.

We don’t want to say that Capricorns are cheap, but they certainly know how to get the most out of a buck. And just like the great value Boursin, with its complex, intense flavours and no-nonsense attitude, Capricorns are the ‘my way or the highway’ type.

Vive la révolution! First produced during the bloodiest period of the French Revolution, camembert – and Aquarians – are born to rattle cages and push for change. Just like Aquarians however, camembert can be slow to ripen and show their stubborn side easily.

Dreamy and pure, just like Pisces, chèvre is an acquired taste, adored by those who know it, and crumbles under the slightest pressure.