Whether you love it or hate it, there’s no denying rosé is the most notorious wine varietal. You couldn’t confirm a pinot or shiraz at 10 paces but, oh boy, do you know a rosé when you see one.

For me, rosé is a friend. It’s fresh, it’s Friday night, it’s weekend drinks in the sun. It’s Parisian holidays, it’s pretty in pink, it’s the affordable reward you give yourself after a hard week.

No matter the standard of venue, or how lengthy the wine list, I know it’s a pretty safe bet that a glass of rosé will, at worst, be drinkable. I cannot say the same for a cheap cab sav. Rosé is ever-available, always reliable and I like it – just the way it is.

Which is why the newest TikTok trend is hurting my head.

@queencitytrends 🫑🌶🍷 Jalapeño Rosé – HAPPY FRIDAY! 😍 This is incredible @Allyssa in the Kitchen ♬ original sound – Vidya

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Yes, that just happened. And I’m left wondering why.

Rosé is not vodka. It does not need to be flavoured. It tastes exactly the way it is supposed to. 

Winemakers dedicate their lives to carefully choosing, cultivating and creating the product they want to deliver to you, whether it be a light and dry Provence rosé, or a deep and fruity Spanish rosado. Fresh jalapeños do not come taped to the bottle.

I hold no ill will toward chilli. Jalapeños are spicy, they add a kick, they make everything they’re added to taste like jalapeño. So why on earth would you want your rosé to taste like jalapeño?!

Maybe it’s me. Perhaps I’m too old, too cynical? Because I clearly don’t get it. So, go forth you crazy jalapeño-loving kids, be free. If you want to carry a ziploc bag of fresh chilli to the pub, I won’t stop you.

But I’ll never understand you. 

Related story: Consider yourself a fan of rosé? Here’s everything you need to know about it