Champagne for that uncle who thinks he knows more about wine than anyone who has ever walked the earth. Stump your know-it-all relatives with a wine that is sourced from ‘vertical’ geographic locations in Champagne, and made only from the white grape chardonnay. Totally out of the box. It’s a tight, racy, ultra refreshing, dry style with an intensity that will silence drinkers on first sip.

You’ve got a crush on this person and you’re trying to impress them with a gift of Champagne but without trying too hard. Perrier Jouet is a house intrinsically linked to art deco, and though this bottle doesn’t have the cool hand-painted, iconic flowers on it, it is a super rose, and few things say casual romance like a blushing Champagne. It’s all strawberries and cream and frisky bubbles.

Champagne that goes with orange juice because you know your mum and your aunty are just going to add it on Christmas morning anyway. It’s a gently sweet Champagne with big, creamy bubbles and a touch of brioche-like richness, which means that drinking it straight, or with a slug of OJ in it, is fine to do and pleasurable. You’ll often find this easy drinking Champagne on special in bottle shops, which is another added benefit.

The Champagne you buy yourself because you deserve it. So you most likely haven’t heard of this Champagne, but that’s ok, some of the best Champagnes are made by small farmers who then produce wine only off their tiny plots of organically farmed land. This is one. It is complex, amazing, vibrant and so delicious. Treat yourself to something ultra special.

Super value for money Champagne (ie. tastes and feels fancier that its price point. I don’t know what it is about this Champagne, but whenever a bottle is popped, it seems to disappear very, very quickly. From a traditional, historical producer, it’s a rich, powerful, dryer style Champagne that always offers a touch of class for the bucks.

The Champagne that should satisfy all that are given it. Patsy and Edina went pretty hard on this Champagne in their time, and with good reason…it’s really good! It’s a toasty, nutty-perfumed wine with soft, creamy, round texture in the palate. There’s a good dose of mousse-like bubbles in the mouth and the wine finishes dry and lip-smacking. One of the great, all-round Champagnes, dahhling.

Big name Champagne to impress your boss that is also actually really good. Posses of rap artists have guzzled straight from the neck, pushed shopping trolleys around of the stuff and maybe even sprayed it all over themselves in convertibles while twerking, but the wine in the bottle is actually really fine, elegant and superb to sip and admire. Krug is at the top of the prestige Champagne tree.

The Perfect Gift: great Champagne that comes with its own ‘wrapping’. Veuve Clicquot has a newish chef de cave (top winemaker) which has meant the standard Yellow Label Champagne has reached new heights of deliciousness. That aside, Veuve tends to innovate with its packaging, and this limited release mailbox comes in a variety of guises, which is ideal for gifting during the festive season. Win, win, or is that wine, wine?

Champagne that goes best when drunk in the sun, sitting in a kiddie’s wading pool. Ditch the pretension, forget the Champagne flutes, if you’re feeling upmarket use a straw, but drink straight from the small (200ml) bottles if you’re set on a sunny day, poolside. Creamy, rich, marzipan-meets-green-apple Moet goes down easier than a fireman on a greased pole. Summery fun in a pint sized package.

The right Champagne for your quinoa and kale smoothie-loving friends. As close to ‘natural’ Champagne as it gets – the vineyard is farmed organically and biodynamically, the wine sees no additives used and it’s a ‘zero dosage’ Champagne which means no sugar is added either. It’s an invigorating, ballistically fresh-feeling Champagne of silky bubbles and a crisp, minerally finish.