I mean it. Right now. Few things can make a person feel less seen or important as coming second to a little black rectangle. Leave it in your pocket, check anything urgent during toilet breaks, or excuse yourself before discreetly checking in another room. Same goes for insisting on posting pictures to your stories or stopping someone from eating so you can get The Shot. Post later, enjoy now.

The gift can be a minefield but there are a few rules of thumb to follow. Flowers are gorgeous, finding a vase mid-cook is nightmares. A bottle of wine is welcome, so long as you’re happy to share it. Food is so lovely, finding room in the fridge is less so. As long as your gift doesn’t create more work for the host, then it’s a thoughtful gift.

If you swan into someone’s kitchen and immediately start scrubbing and sudsing up, it could be seen as an insult. I know it’s tempting to want to help in every way you can but it’s far more likely that your host will want you back with the crowd enjoying yourself than awkwardly watching you handle guests’ food scraps.

Even when you’re in what you assume to be your echochamber, every once in a while one of your friends might throw a clanger in the works. This goes two-fold if you have members of a more senior generation at your dinner table. Stick to the light stuff, test the waters if you feel comfortable, and don’t get granular about your naughty weekend away.

Have a good time, absolutely. Have an extra glass of wine if you drink, by all means! But if you’re getting to the point where you feel your eyes getting heavy or you’re in the mood to pick a fight (or cry), switch to the waters and take a beat. You don’t want to ruin the vibe by getting messy. And no one needs the shameover on Sunday.

This isn’t to say you should show up late, however a fifteen minute grace period can make or break a host’s cool-as-a-cucumber vibe. Let them throw the dirty laundry behind a closed door or touch up their makeup.

This may seem like an obvious one because we weren’t raised in barns, but if you’re reaching to serve yourself and tuck in before everyone is seated, you’re being rude. Cooking a meal for a group of people takes a lot of effort, so wait for the host to park themselves, thank them, and await instruction.

Allergies are very real and should be handled as such. Ideally, your host will have flagged any dietary restrictions well ahead of showtime. As a guest you have a responsibility too. Politely let your host know when you RSVP about your nut or gluten allergy, and absolutely let them know that you’re a vegan. Do not ask them to accommodate your month on a keto diet or if you find parsley icky.

There is a VIP area in the underworld for people who don’t RSVP or flake last minute on a dinner party. If you’ve ever sent a text 10 minutes before party time saying something like “OMG I’m soooo sorry, my cat has a snotty nose” or “Uh oh, food poisoning,” then you stand accused. And please, we beg you, if you’ve bailed out, don’t post your bar hop on Instagram!