I believe every day should be Valentine’s Day – we should be eating sexy food all the time. So, here’s my patented randy shopping list*. All the foods listed here have aphrodisiac properties and there are more than enough to fill your pantry each week.

Almonds

These are linked to some of the great love stories. Samson romanced Delilah with almonds (cheapskate!), Alexandre Dumas, author of The Count Of Monte Cristo, dined on almond soup every night before bedding his mistress and traditional Indian medicine says almonds awaken sexual desire.

While you are in the nuts aisle, pick up some pistachios, sesame seeds that are rich in vitamin E (a good thing when it comes to the bedroom) and pine nuts. All claim to enhance libido.

Artichokes

Back in the day, their hearts were credited with “warming up” your private parts and as such in 16th century European women were warned off them for the mayhem they might cause.

Asparagus

Great 17th century herbalist Nicholas Culpeper wrote that asparagus “stirreth up bodily lust in man or woman (whatsoever some have written to the contrary)”. This may be because it is loaded with vitamin E (also known as the “sex vitamin”) which is credited by some as having estrogenic, androgenic and progesterone-like properties.

Plus asparagus is long and skinny which was the hallmark of anything sexy in the Middle Ages thanks to their doctrine of signatures. That said if it looks like a body part, it must be good for that body part. No wonder French grooms ate asparagus before their wedding night.

Avocados

Aztecs thought avocados increased sexual powers in part because of the way they hung in pairs on the tree.

The Aztec name, translated from local Nahuatl, is “testicle tree”. Interestingly it has now been proved that avocados contain even more potassium than bananas and are high in vitamin E, possibly justifying those claims.

Bananas

Potassium strengthens muscle contractions. ’Nuff said. The banana also benefits from the previously mentioned doctrine of signatures rule.

Celery

This is a favourite of male porn stars for – how can I put this delicately – increasing volume and staying power. Celery is loaded with vitamin E, magnesium and zinc and some even claim it will make you smell sexier to women. Never worked for me but…

Champagne

How many trashy romance novels have their heroines flushed from champagne before “falling into his arms”? Alcohol removes the inhibitions and flushing is a sign of sexual arousal – a red sign that could be a green light, between consenting adults at least.

Chillies

They get the blood pumping and heighten sensitivity as well. They are also linked to firing up the pleasure centres of the brain.

Chocolate 

Eating it has been linked to creating a sense of euphoria and loving. Aztec ruler Montezuma steeled himself with a cup of chocolate before retiring to his harem – possibly spiked with chilli.

Coriander

Credited with helping a childless merchant in The Arabian Nights, this claim is perhaps softened by the fact that the book itself was all about how to quell the passions of the listener!

Eggs

Henry IV of France drank a flip of cognac and yolks each morning to increase his “man powers”. The result was a slew of kids that included a future king of France, and two girls who would become the queens of England and Spain.

Fennel

The ancient Greeks and Egyptians swore by it. Like all these things, you never know what might work for you – or for the one you desire.

Figs

These have fired up passions over the generations. DH Lawrence’s famous poem, Figs, goes into exquisite detail over the sensuality of this fruit.

The “way of the fig” is also an Italian description of the road to Hell, which is far more salacious than a “road paved with good intentions” that plays on the similarity between the word for “fig” and a slang word for a woman’s “privates”.

Certainly figs stuffed with soft, white mould cheese and baked wrapped in prosciutto was always my “lucky dish”. Or should that be “get lucky” dish.

Garlic

In the Middle Ages garlic was seen as the Devil’s stinking rose that “heated the passions”. Some research has likened its chemical make-up to being eerily similar to our sex hormones.

Lettuce

Mythology has the lettuce marked down as a sexy thing because of the white “milk” some old varieties leeched when cut. In Ancient Rome, rocket was viewed with even more suspicion for peppering up the desires, so pop some of that in your basket as well.

Milk and spices

Avurvedic medicine might dub milk as an aphrodisiac but outside of India it’s what you put in your hot milk before bed that makes the difference. Ancient Scandinavian and Chinese texts praise cloves; Roman writer, Pliny the Elder, opted for anise; while it’s cardamom in India and a mix of milk, cinnamon and dates in Arabic texts. Ginger, pepper, nutmeg and fenugreek also have their supporters. Use honey or dates for sweetness and because, according to Ayurveda, dates boost sperm production.

Oysters

Ever since 2nd century Roman poet Juvenal made a joke about their saucy properties, oysters have been seen as libido enhancers. They are loaded with zinc, linked to testosterone production.

Pasta

This seems an unlikely aphrodisiac but “macaroni cooked by a Neapolitan” was what great lover Casanova claimed gave him his prodigious powers in the bedroom – along with raw eggs. And it’s true that I have been known to lust after a particularly golden mac ’n’ cheese!

Pineapples

Historically used as a cure for impotence, pineapple has also found bedroom fame for making everything taste better – and we mean everything…

Pomegranate and watermelon

These both increase blood flow so what could make a sexier cocktail to share with the one you love.

Quince

This is supposedly the actual “apple” that was at the centre of both the stories of Helen of Troy, and the Garden of Eden, which is why it has earned the reputation of inflaming lusts.

Rice

It may seem unlikely, but ancient Indian sex manual, The Kama Sutra, recommends eating a bowl of rice before bed. I suppose it’s no different than telling today’s top athletes to carb-load.

Salmon

It’s the omega-3 levels in salmon that helps it wave the aphrodisiac flag. Bake it crusted with other ingredients high in omega-3 like walnuts, pumpkin seeds or crushed flaxseeds.

Vanilla

This spice is credited with stimulating nerves and making you more sensitive to embraces. Its name also has a double meaning in Latin (you’ll have to look that up for yourself), doubling its sauciness.

Just between us, none of these work as well as love, respect and stimulation that comes from a good mind. Especially if all that is wrapped up in – as my son calls it – a “tight rig”. Just sayin’…

*Remember that past performance is no indicator of future performance, that results may vary from person to person and that things can fluctuate up or down – which I suppose is the whole idea!