One bite and toast speaks to us, telling us of “warm kitchens, of breakfasts on bright frosty mornings, of cosy parlour firesides on winter evenings… of the purring of contented cats, and the twitter of sleepy canaries”. That’s not me speaking, but my dress-a-like, Toad, from The Wind In The Willows rhapsodising on the emotive joys of toast. Taking a bite, it brings a tear to his – and my own – eye.

Toast has been a thing since the ancient Romans (the name toast comes from the Latin word to scorch, tostum). It started with toasting bread on hot rocks by the fire, followed by wire frames and long-handled toasting forks for holding the bread closer to the flames. These offered a quicker result that also left the centre of the toast steamy-soft rather than dried out.

While hot buttery toast is a joy in its own right, it is also a canvas for homespun creativity when it comes to toppings. Some ideas are weird but brilliant, others are travesties but, having tasted them all, let me tell you which are worth trying.

JAM AND…
My old man was no foodie but he was a toast topping pioneer. He introduced our family to peanut butter and jelly – and when the jelly ran out, strawberry jam. I’ve written before about his inspired and alluring combinations, like apricot jam with Worcestershire sauce and orange marmalade with sliced grilled sausages. He might have also given me the idea for raspberry jam with vegemite on burnt toast (it’s the sour and sweet of the jam with the salt of the spread and the bitterness of the char that makes this work) but, as a starting point, might I suggest trying a little goat’s cheese with your raspberry jam? Martha Stewart loves this slightly odd combo.

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‘MITE TOAST AND…
Forget straight Vegemite (or Promite if that’s your thing) and, yawn, the argument over whether a thin smear or a slather is the way to go. A more telling discussion is nailing the perfect partner to elevate this toast: a dollop of crunchy chilli oil, peanut butter or even slices of avocado. If you haven’t tried adding crunchy chilli oil to your vegemite toast you’re missing out. It’s an idea so good that it’s seen at least one manufacturer overseas try to add chilli to the yeast extract commercially.

HOT HONEY TOAST
We’ve seen classic honey toast customised with everything from ricotta and figs (is this toast or Italian bruschetta?) to a smear of tahini (less impressive unless you love halva) or simply a pinch of sea salt flakes (which I heartily recommend) and a few smashed cashews.

The massive viral sensation out of the US right now, however, is for “hot honey” drizzled on your toast. This sees the sweet lull of honey paired with the fire of chilli. Make your own by bringing a little honey to the boil with chilli flakes or your diced chilli of choice and then leaving it to infuse. Can’t be bothered but want a little sweet salty weirdness in your life? Then try blue cheese with honey on toast. Very good.

HONG KONG TOAST
Whether it’s zigzagging its way across crispy South Indian dosas or Chinese fried dough sticks, condensed milk is loved for breakfast around the world. It’s no surprise, then, to see condensed milk adorning well-buttered white toast in Hong Kong. This will appeal most to those with a sweet tooth. But I’d rather spread my toast with Malaysian kaya (a coconut and caramel curd) if I want an unapologetic sugar hit.

PEANUT BUTTER AND…
When the bloke who invented corn flakes also commercialised peanut butter as a health food, little did he know it would later be paired with everything from sliced bananas to grape jelly, diced celery and raisins. I’m against all of these, as well as the current craze in the US of topping your peanut butter toast with dill pickles. I’m not rushing to try this again. The sliminess of the pickles seems too confronting against the drying texture of the peanut butter.

And if you haven’t tried my sourdough toast topped with melted dark chocolate, sea salt and olive oil you’re really missing out. Try it now.

Related story: Matt Preston delves into the delicious history of the jaffle