Dating dilemma #1: who pays on the first date?

That is such a provocative subject. I think normally, on a first date, paying becomes a judgement of how you value the date. The rule I love when it comes to splitting or paying the bill is that you should be fighting to pay if you’re keen to see them again, because then you can always do the: “No no, you pay next time”. Then you’ve automatically got a second date sorted. And if they say, “No, I’ll pay for this one because there won’t be a second date”, let them pay.

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Dating dilemma #2: my partner eats at lightning speed. Is there a polite way to ask them to slow them down?

No. There is no polite way. The only way is to try without being critical. I would suggest giving them a book on mindfulness and discussing that the joy of eating is heightened by chewing everything 20 times. They might come from a background where they were one of many children, and if they didn’t eat first, they weren’t getting seconds; or someone’s snaking hand would come across the table and steal their crackling or the end of the sausage – that favourite bit they were saving. I think you’ve got to acknowledge if there’s that history at play, but try starting with mindfulness. The other tack is asking them a question every time they lift their fork to their mouth. This will stop them ramming in the food!

Dating dilemma #3: I’m going on a date to a fancy restaurant, but I can’t pronounce half the menu. How do I order without embarrassing myself?

I think the simplest thing – and I do this all the time if I don’t know how to pronounce the whole dish – I just say “I’ll have the chicken; I’ll have the beef; I’ll have the noodles,” and everyone will know exactly what it is. I think that’s safer than risking getting things horribly, embarrassingly wrong. It’s more challenging, perhaps, when you’re ordering wine, but then, you shouldn’t feel embarrassed if they’re not understanding: in that case, just point to the menu and ask the floor server “What can you tell me about this white?”. Listen too, as then they should give you the correct pronunciation in their response. But if they say (as once happened in a fancy restaurant when my friend badly pronounced viognier when ordering a bottle) – “Oh, do you mean the vee-o-NYAY?”, don’t tip, ’cause that’s just plain rude.

Dating dilemma #4: what’s more romantic for Valentine’s Day – a restaurant booking or packing a picnic?

I’m a definite picnic fan! You can make the food light. You can make your love exactly what they love to eat most. And it’s so much cheaper. You also don’t have the pressure of people proposing in the restaurant around you, which can always be a little uncomfortable. Talking about comfort, be sure to include some cushions and bug spray in your romantic picnic planning!

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