While a waiter’s job is, of course, to serve food and drink and make sure everyone is comfortable, they are still human. As such, they rarely have Matilda-like powers and struggle to move plates on the table when their hands are full. Help them out and shuffle the share plates. And if they do have the gift of telekinesis, tip them extra.

Many restaurants will leave a certain number of seats available for walk-ins. Usually this will be groups of two or four rolling the dice for a bite to eat and a glass of wine which is totally fine. It’s when a group of eight or even ten people shows up and asks for a table that the wheels fall off. Not only do groups of that size usually require a minimum spend or a set menu, the odds of actually getting a table in a reasonable amount of time are slim.

Fidgety guests be warned! Please, if your waiter is leaning to pour you some wine or water, don’t move your glass. It’s like playing a game of whack-a-mole but instead of a clattering of game tokens, this version ends with an inevitable puddle of shiraz on the table.

Bringing your kids out to dinner should be a nice experience. We know the job of getting everyone dressed, fed and watered is Herculean. Waiters are very empathetic and patient, especially when kids are involved. They will often ask the kitchen to put a rush on dishes and retrieve rogue colouring in pencils. Don’t repay this kindness by letting your kids run rampant through the restaurant. At best, they could be disturbing other patrons. At worst, there could be a serious accident involving hot food or broken glass.

A restaurant is not the place to clear out old receipts from your wallet. If you’ve simply got to finish the coffee you brought with you, find a bin elsewhere to dispose of your cup. If you’ve used a tissue, don’t leave your snotty remnants for your waiter to clear up. It’s 2024, we’ve spent the last 5 years in a pandemic. You know better.

Restaurants, for the most part, are very accommodating when it comes to dietary restrictions and allergies. If you’ve got allergies or even just a serious aversion to certain foods, have a look at the menu online and scan for potential offenders beforehand. Prevention is better than cure, right? If possible, include a note on your booking too – you’d be surprised how many times in a sitting the staff will check the booking system and any notes will be clocked.

Unless you’re keeping the beat to some tune in your head, there is no reason to click or whistle in a restaurant. If you click or whistle at a waiter to get attention, yes, you’ll get it (you were going to anyway, chill out) but you’ll also get the silent curses of everyone working. One waiter will tell the others, who will tell the kitchen staff, who will inform the manager, and everyone will rage about you over a post-service beer. Oh, and your date is mortified.

It’s a shame that we’ve normalised staring at our phones every waking moment. It’s even worse that some people feel the need to bask in the warming blue light of their screen when they’re at dinner with their friends and family. Frustrating but forgivable. What cannot be overlooked, however, is if you don’t put your phone down when the waiter is taking your order or asking you a question. They won’t take much of your time – they’re busy too – so please give them your attention.

If there’s a coaster or paper napkin on your table, please keep it in one piece. Leaving little piles of shredded soggy cardboard by your plate is a surefire way to ruin a waiter’s day. Turning a table and resetting it between sittings is a deft work of art which can be slowed down significantly when confetti is involved. Besides, it’s just annoying.