Tinned fruit, coconut, mini marshmallows, and glacé cherries. That’s what you’ve been missing out on. With its roots as a luxury food (hey, tinned fruit was new, ok?) and named after the food of the gods, we live in fear of being smote if we served this up at a barbecue Down Under.

Whatcha doin’ there, buddy? Just putting cheese into a can? While we can’t quite comprehend what business cheese has living in an aerosol canister, at least there’s no need to refrigerate!

Many Australians worry that they’ve accidentally bought some sort of cake the first time they buy bread in the US. And we appreciate that there is a growing movement toward slow-food in certain pockets of the US, the Wonder Breads of the world are so sweet and refined that it’s easy to imagine it living in your stomach for 40 days and 40 nights.

Sweet and savoury is a beautiful thing, yet there’s something a bit cloying about adding sweet ‘jelly’ to sweet peanut butter, on sweet white bread that we’re just not here for.

After the recent revelation that butter does indeed go on bread, surely it’s time to release the chokehold that mayonnaise has on the US of A.

Sorry, yams. We’re not convinced that these sweet tubers really require cups of brown sugar and a topping of marshmallows but here we are. This classic side dish (nope, it’s not dessert) is admittedly not an ‘every day’ treat but Thanksgiving and Christmas just wouldn’t be the same without the, erm, delicacy.

Fluff marshmallow spread is exactly what it sounds like. Liquidy marshmallow goo in a jar, to be spread onto sandwiches. We have a toothache just looking at it. It may be a tasty treat to some but how does one even get through more than a teaspoon of this stuff?

We would like to be clear with our confusion here. It’s not the ‘float’ part that is perplexing – after all, many of us grew up on the delicious creamy fizz of a spider. It’s the root beer. With the essence of sassafras, chugging down a root beer float is akin to drinking a liquorice milkshake just after brushing your teeth.

Sloppy Joes. Where to begin? To be fair, the beef mince, vegetables and usually some sort of tomato sauce, er, ketchup, is actually pretty tasty but when you’re this close to making bolognese, why stop?

There really is something just so… American about this one. A turkey, stuffed with a duck, then a chicken. Yes, the tradition can be traced back centuries in Europe as a means of showing off the bounty of one’s land but to keep on trucking well into the 21st century? Go off, we guess.