Chips are not just a delectable snack, enjoyed by millions across the globe. They’re also a window into your very soul. You see, your favourite chip flavour says a lot more about you than you might realise. Think of it as your snack zodiac. So what does this mean for you? We consulted with leading chiptologists to bring you this highly scientific analysis of the most common chip flavours, and the people who love them.
Here you are, in this big, wide chip aisle of a world, with all the flavours under the sun at your very fingertips. And yet, you’ve chosen to stick with the original. What is it that you fear, little one? Change is anathema to you, and rules are made to be followed. You’ve likely never jaywalked, always floss, and no doubt won the perfect attendance award at high school. Oh, and you never order sparkling water for the table. Only tap.
Let’s be honest, your mum probably still does your laundry. You’ve watched every one of the Fast & Furious movies, and think it’s interesting to tell other people about your dreams. The last thing you read was the instructions on a packet of two-minute noodles. Which you had to make for yourself, ‘cause your mum was busy ironing your doona cover. You also can’t drive past a cow in a field without shouting “moo!” out the window.
You like to wear sunglasses indoors, and can often be found hanging out in back alleyways, smoking and wearing a leather jacket while reading Nietzsche. You were once in a relationship with Zoë Kravitz, but broke it off when you decided to move to Paris and write beat poetry. You didn’t cry when the dog died in Marley & Me, and own at least seven different brands of black eyeliner.
You’ve recently graduated from chicken flavour, and are feeling pretty good about yourself. So much so, come lunchtime, you’re even going to try eating your devon sandwiches with the crusts on. Your favourite band is Cold Chisel, and you have no qualms about wearing ugg boots to the supermarket. You have at least three friends called Dave.
People avoid you at parties because you make them feel slightly nervous, for reasons they can’t quite put their finger on. You spend a lot of time listening to Morrissey, and own the complete How I Met Your Mother DVD box set. You also like other things that smell like feet, which means you haven’t changed your socks since last Tuesday, and collect your toenail cuttings and keep them in a jar.
This summer, pick Australian grown corn with grassy green husks for a fresh addition to your BBQ.
The subtleties and nuances of life are wasted on you. You’re a get in, get it done and get out kind of person, which doesn’t bode well for your next relationship. You laugh in the face of pain, which means you spend a lot of time in front of the mirror, plucking your eyebrows. You like to pretend you fear nothing, when in fact you have an irrational phobia about matryoshka dolls, and have never been on a rollercoaster.
