Spam. What’s not to love about it? A flesh-pink ‘pork product’, coated with jelly and squished up into a brick, in a can. Mmm-mmn. 

Now, everyone’s favourite sandwich filling has been reimagined with a brand-new yuletide spin: Spam Figgy Pudding. Can I get a YEAH!? (*tumbleweed rolls silently past*)

The unholy Christmas creation is Spam, but not as you know it. Here, it’s spiked with the festive inclusions of spices and dried fruits. Which, let’s be honest, is just what you want with your luncheon meat.

According to Steve Venenga, who has the enviable position as vice president of marketing for Spam, “Spam Figgy Pudding represents how one dish creates new interpretations of traditions, each leaving their own mark, just as the Spam Brand has done since 1937.” Whatever that means. 

To put the helly on the jelly, here’s the company line from the official Spam press release: “Spam Figgy Pudding evokes a sense of nostalgia and warmth, taking consumers back to their favourite memories from holidays past.” No, this is not a belated April Fool’s prank. We checked. 

This isn’t the first time that Spam has released a seasonal variety. In September 2019, it announced the limited-edition Spam Pumpkin Spice. In what could be the ultimate example of everything that is wrong about humanity, it sold out in just seven hours. 

You can order your Spam Figgy Pudding internationally from the Spam website. Buy a can, then bury it deep within the earth, far from innocent mouths.

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