I wish I could accurately describe exactly what goes on when an American uses their knife and fork, but there doesn’t appear to be a standard technique. 

Sometimes, they grip the fork in their left hand with a closed fist, as though plunging a blocked toilet. Then, they saw and carve the food into a circle around the fork like an ice fisher cutting a hole into a frozen pond. The knife and fork swap hands repeatedly, and occasionally their whole forearms cross over the top of each other. Sometimes – why not? – the fork tines face backwards, as per the photo I took here:

Credit: Supplied

It looks exhausting. No wonder they invented fast food, so they could eat everything with their hands.

Despite the fact that America is – yes, even today – the world’s dominant cultural force, they still still retain a tonne of weird quirks like this one, that the rest of the planet refuses to adopt. The knife and fork are the most startling, but here are a few other eccentricities that constantly surprise me.

The way Americans hold their knife and fork was one of the hardest things for me to get used to pic.twitter.com/bt4RkNNzVp

— ROME (@romemcelroy) April 24, 2019

Servers say this one very weird thing every time they bring food to the table

When I was in New Orleans recently, I approached a case of pastries in a bakery, and asked the assistant what they were. “This is going to be a chocolate croissant,” she said. “And this is going to be a vol-au-vent.” As far as I could tell, they already were a croissant and a vol-au-vent. I don’t think they were ‘going to be’ anything else in the near future. 

“This is going to be…” is used everywhere food is served in the US. It’s said when menus are explained; it’s said again when food arrives at the table. There’s nothing wrong with it. Everyone knows what it means. It’s just… curious.

They almost never use their phones in restaurants

Everyone loves to say Americans are rude, but when it comes to restaurant phone etiquette, they’re much better behaved than the rest of us. I almost never see phones on tables in restaurants here, and I certainly never see anyone texting or looking things up on Google. When I’m eating solo in the US, I know I’m breaking social taboos by scrolling through my phone to keep myself busy. But I do it anyway, like the uncouth convict I am.

Cars stop for every single pedestrian at all times

If you stand on the side of the road in the US and look like you’re about to cross, cars will stop for you. It happens everywhere, from tiny regional towns in Mississippi and Tennessee to huge metropolises like Chicago or Los Angeles. I always assumed this was because Americans are very polite – and they are (see below) – but another more cynical friend pointed out that they live in the world’s most litigious society, and are probably petrified of being sued.

Credit: iStock

Their own plugs don’t fit in every socket

No, I’m not an idiot. I know the US has a different socket to Australia, and I never travel without the correct country adapter. But often, US plugs are too big or too loose to fit into their own sockets. I often find myself shoving my phone charger into various plugs around a hotel room until I find one that fits. I have no idea why this is. It feels prehistoric.

They are polite even when you are rude

Here I am saying mean things about Americans when they are actually some of the kindest, most generous-spirited people on earth. Not long ago, I barged past what I thought were some ‘gate lice’ crowding around the boarding queue at Dallas airport, muttering uncharitable profanities as I elbowed my way through.

Instead of being rude back, everyone stood politely aside. When I made it to the counter I found out my section hadn’t actually been called yet and I had to slink, shamefaced, back to the end of the queue. I probably would’ve stuck out a foot and tripped me, but these polite Americans simply smiled sympathetically.

They really are nice people. And for that, I’m willing to overlook all their weird cutlery stuff.

This article originally appeared on escape.com.au. It has been published here with permission. 

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