Basic rules of table manners: Matt Preston on being a good dinner guest - How To

May 21, 2025

While some matters of etiquette have mercifully fallen by the wayside (farewell salad fork), Matt Preston explains why some good manners will never go out of style.

Arrive on time. Dress appropriately. Remember to say please and thank you. For me, these are the holy trinity of manners. The three rules that take you much of the way to being a good dinner guest. Admittedly, I probably only nail one of these.

Even more important for me is making an effort, whether it’s in talking to other guests or helping out (if that’s appropriate). My mother always suggested a good rule of thumb is that you should leave the table knowing more about the people you’ve been talking to than they know about you. I fear she told me that because, even when I was a child, she knew I liked talking about myself too much.

There are more. Don’t start eating until all – especially the cook – are seated. Don’t talk with your mouth full, because looking at someone else’s chewed food is ugly. Don’t double-dip or use a shared butter knife to spread your own roll. Don’t wave your cutlery around or point with it, no matter how important the point you are trying to make is. Don’t text or answer your mobile phone at the table. In fact, turn it off. You or that call are seldom so important as to be placed above those you are eating with. Don’t leave the table until everyone is finished. These all seem like common sense… but then, the best manners always are.

Now, admittedly, some of our table manners are antiquated. I’m not sure what the real damage to society is of using the wrong fork or tucking your napkin into your collar, but I suppose it’s important to fit in. However, I don’t like it when manners like these are used as ways to make others feel inferior. Good manners should be a reason for celebration, and bad manners politely ignored. That’s good manners in my book! (Unless you’re their partner or parent, in which case, a bit of education about why what they are doing wrong is your – never gleeful, mind – duty.)

Japanese restaurant — It’s important to respect other cultures.

Manners are also a mark of respect. I love how most Aussies I travel with (at least if over a certain beer-bingeing age) are quite hung up about doing the right thing and not causing offence when they travel. That’s also the definition of good manners. Of course, some traditions can take things to what some may see as ludicrous lengths, such as the traditional Japanese aversion to not laughing, talking too loudly or wearing perfume or aftershave so as not to interfere with others’ enjoyment of food in a restaurant.

Also remember that manners are a way of building social harmony, and they can even provide subtle clues to those around you. Shut your menu at a restaurant table and it’s a sign that you’re ready to order; put your knife and fork together when you’ve finished your meal and the server knows it’s fine to clear your plate. It’s amazing how many people don’t realise the value of such understated actions. Manners here are the oil of societal cohesion – and that’s a big part of why I think they still matter.