Oops, I fell off the wagon. I’m no longer making my own sourdough or kombucha, or even pickling stuff. And the picnics that were such a staple of my weekly social calendar have totally vanished. After two years of pandemic, I have a severe case of the CBFs: Can’t Be Fudged… (Or something like that.)

The prospect of picnicking again – all that lugging – fills me with so much ennui I can’t even be bothered to look up if that is French for ‘the sh*ts’ or not. I’d prefer a little splendid isolation with my nearest and dearest, if it came with a nice comfy armchair, instead.

My current intolerance also stretches to what I’m cooking. Like lasagne, which demands you make bolognese, then cheese sauce, then layer everything and bake it – it’s all such a palaver. Stir-frying sounds quick and easy, but there’s way too much chopping. And even if crumbing and deep-frying sounds like a quick dinner, it’s too much washing up. Even dishes that trade on simplicity are not as they seem. Risotto done well requires stir, stir, stirring. And shepherd’s pie is a lot of work for that crunchy, golden cheesy top. Personally, I’d go for the easier and quicker alternative of nachos.

This new-found laziness doesn’t mean I don’t want to cook, but I am drawn to four solutions for the CBF’d me.

SOLUTION ONE
Like a short right followed up by an uppercut, the microwave followed by the oven is the quickest and easiest way to cook a knock-out roast halved butternut pumpkin or whole cauliflower. Par-cook the veg for 10-14 minutes in the microwave, top or fill either with cheese or something savoury and spicy before roasting in a hot oven (200°C) to let it all blister and brown.

SOLUTION TWO
Just pop a hunk of meat like a lamb or pork shoulder in the oven to roast at 140°C until the meat falls apart. It will take hours of you ignoring it. The bigger the hunk of animal, the longer you can forget about it before it falls apart.

SOLUTION THREE
Spatchcock a chicken so it looks like roadkill and cook in a hot oven for 50 minutes over a bed of celery, onions, bay leaves and warmed stock or tinned tomatoes. Add a packet of orzo or risoni to soak in the juices for the last 30 minutes, or throw in a few small jacket potatoes. Some herbs, lemon juice or dollops of spiced yoghurt or feta at the end will make it look like you cared.

SOLUTION FOUR
‘Dump dinners’ and ‘dump cakes’ are two of the worst-named trends of the last couple of years. I’d like to see these renamed ‘casseroles’ or ‘one-pot dishes’, even if that dish starts by browning stuff on the stove but ends up in the oven – every beef stew, red-wine braise, cassoulet or cacciatore follows this approach.

Related gallery: Matt Preston’s 5 easy tray bake recipes from around the world

Find Matt’s recipe for the one-pot cheesy nachos with chilli con carne pictured above, here.