The inner child of every Aussie adult will be weeping into their lolly bags today, with the news that Allen’s has quietly cut Mad About Teeth packets from its confectionery range. 

Not that anyone actually likes them or anything, but they’ve always just been, well, there. Like that forgotten almost-empty roll of toothpaste that’s been sitting in the back corner of the third drawer in your bathroom cabinet since 2006. 

A staple of every child’s birthday bash since the dawn of time, and always the last lolly to be picked from a party mix (even after bananas), Allen’s gave the mint-and-vanilla-flavoured fangs their own ‘Mad About Teeth’ packet back in 2021. 

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Clearly people weren’t though, were they? Mad. About teeth. What might have been perceived at the time as a touch of marketing wisdom has only led to decay, as sales were obviously so bad that the company was too embarrassed to even tell anyone they were dropping the product. It took a bit of sleuthing by a Reddit user to find out the truth, starting a conversation called “Allens have discontinued Mad About Teeth Lollies…” after they noticed the sweet packet was missing from supermarket shelves. They actually wrote to Allen’s to ask what in hell’s teeth was going on, and Allen’s very kindly responded. 

Credit: Reddit

So now, as tumbleweeds roll down the tooth section of the lolly aisle, we must band together and find a way to move forward. Can we interest anyone in some Spearmint Leaves? 

No, we didn’t think so. 

However, you can all brush off that empty feeling inside. The lollies will still be available in Allen’s Party Mix bags, so you can continue to blithely overlook them until the sudden urge to take a teef selfie simply becomes too much.

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