What do you get when you combine all your relatives, a hot summer’s day, lots of bubbles and a huge feast? An absolute quagmire of potential pitfalls. But with a little careful attention, it is possible to sail through Christmas Day without offending anyone. Well, almost anyone. There’s no way you’re going to last an entire day with your family without making somebody cranky. Probably Grandma. And so, to help you navigate these treacherous holiday waters, we’ve listed some of the most common Christmas no-nos, and how to avoid them, whether you’re the host or the guest.
Watching cousin Jimmy choke to death on the hors d’oeuvres is a surefire way to dampen everyone’s Christmas spirit pretty darn quick. Luckily, there’s a simple, foolproof method for avoiding any such inconvenient festive fatalities: ask everyone if they have any life-threatening food allergies before you start planning the menu.
Just because people don’t eat meat, doesn’t mean that they’ll be happy with a garden salad and a bread roll. “Hey, merry Christmas. Here’s your festive sprout.” If any vegetarians or vegans are joining your holiday table this year, make an effort to offer tasty dishes that the whole table can enjoy, like this epic offering from Matt Preston.
They’re everyone’s favourite Christmas side. Not just yours. Make sure you leave enough for all the other guests at the table before you go loading up your plate like we’re teetering on the cusp of the next great potato famine. For hosts, check out our collection of the best roast potato recipes, so there’ll be more than enough crispy potatoey goodness to go around.
According to a recent UK survey by online retailer Haypp, this is one of the biggest Christmas “icks” you can be guilty of. But while Laura Windsor, etiquette expert for the TV show Bridgerton, has thrown in her two cents by saying, “It is certainly not an elegant gesture”, we reckon you should be allowed a little extra wiggle (or trouser) room at this time of year. After all, if you can’t overindulge at Christmas, are you even living? So go ahead – you do you. Let that belly roam wild and free. Maybe just wear a long shirt, yeah?
Oh what fun it is to drive the porcelain bus all day. Yes, it’s the holidays, and everyone deserves to let loose and have a good time, but taking things too far is only going to end badly. There’s nothing jolly about puking up your pudding. And when you’ve had a few too many after you’ve had a few too many, it’s almost guaranteed that you’ll feel the urge to start…
We’re living in a particularly tense political climate right now, both here and abroad. Feelings are running high, and if you throw alcohol into the mix, even the smallest comment can set off World War III across the Christmas table. So just don’t make that comment. And if someone else does, change the subject by telling them their fly is undone.
No, Grandma, I’m not married yet. Get over it. And Uncle Barry, if you don’t understand pronouns, go back to school, don’t start interrogating your teenage niece about why they don’t want to be called ‘she’. And please, for the love of Santa Claus, please do not ask anyone, “So, how’s work?” No one wants to talk about work. Ever. Not even when they’re at work.
Yes, it’s very nice of you to invite your weird mate who wants to avoid his family this year. (Make sure you sit him next to Uncle Barry). But maybe you could have, you know, let the host know about it before you both show up, ready to party? Hosts already have enough to worry about without suddenly having to magic up an extra place at the table, an extra serve of roast potatoes and all the other festive accoutrements that come with a Christmas meal. Those silly paper hats don’t make themselves, you know.
While everyone appreciates a hard-working, dedicated host with the most, when that host is constantly hovering around the table, or “just popping out to the kitchen” again when all the other guests are seated and trying to enjoy themselves, it just makes everyone feel like absolute crap. At first. Then they’ll start getting irritated. And if someone happens to mention politics at this point, the whole day is pretty much a write-off.
While it’s nice to sit back and chill after a good meal, it’s not so nice to sit back and chill with your feet up while other people tidy up. Especially if they’re the ones who cooked the meal for you. So don’t just sit there like an overstuffed Christmas lump. Shift that booty, and lend a hand. It doesn’t take much to share the load – clear some plates, rinse some glasses, put some bottles in the recycling bin, shovel some ham scraps into a grateful pooch’s bowl – but even the smallest effort will be appreciated.
Christmas Day might be a day for family, food and fun, but most of all, it’s a magical day for the kidlets. So today probably isn’t the best day for breaking the news that Santa Claus is a big fat red-and-white lie. Especially if you’re that random bloke who just showed up uninvited.
