Cheese is indeed a wonderful thing. Not only can it transform any dish from humdrum to ‘hoo-mama’; it’s also perfectly suited for any meal and any occasion – from breakfast and lunch to dinner and snacks; and from drinks and nibbles with friends to the ideal ending to a fancy dinner party.

As the great French epicure and turophile Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin once said, “Dessert without cheese is like a beautiful woman with only one eye”. Kinda sexist (and eye-ist), sure, but they did name a cheese after the guy, so he clearly knows what he’s talking about.

However, when it comes to serving up that artfully presented cheese board, how do you ensure that you’re hitting all the right notes? Let us show you the whey. 

Cheese board hack #1: follow the experts

Ellie and Sam Studd know more about cheese than pretty much anyone, except maybe their dad, Will. This makes them both excellent ‘bring-a-plate’ party guests and expert cheese-board builders. In their book The Best Things in Life Are Cheese (Plum, $44.99), they offer this simple rhyme to help you create the ultimate cheese board: “Something old, something new, something stinky, something blue”.

For old, they recommend clothbound cheddar, Comté, manchego, Pecorino Romano, Ossau-Iraty, Parmigiano Reggiano or aged Gouda. For new: Brillat-Savarin, burrata, ricotta, creme fraiche, mascarpone, fresh chevre or feta. For stinky: raclette, Taleggio, Pont-l’Eveque, King River Gold or camembert. And for blue: Roquefort, Stilton, Berrys Creek Riverine Blue or Gorgonzola. Get this combination together and you have yourself a beautifully well-rounded creation that will please all comers. 

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Cheese board hack #2: choose cheese with a story

People always tend to gather around the cheese board at parties, for obvious reasons. So it’s a nice touch to serve cheeses that have a bit of a backstory to them, which you can then tell your guests as they dig in.

For instance, 2024 delicious. Harvey Norman Produce Awards From the Dairy National Finalist Dellendale Creamery from WA sources the milk for its cheesemaking from a nearby dairy farm that has a robotic milking system – the cows get to choose when they want to be milked, and wander on over whenever they feel the need to have their udders emptied.

“It’s cheese so good, the cows milk themselves,” you might say, smiling humbly as your guests marvel at your dazzling wit. Another sweet story is that of the heart-shaped Neufchâtel cheese. This mould-ripened bloomy-rind cheese from the Normandy region first began being made into its now-famous heart shape during the Hundred Years’ War, which began more than 500 years ago.

So the legend goes, young French dairy maids from the village of Neufchâtel started falling in love with English soldiers who were over there occupying the place. To show their undying love, the maids began moulding their local cheese into a heart shape and offering it as a gift to their occupier-paramours. Nothing like a bit of drawn-out conflict to make you ripe for a spot of romance, eh?

Cheese board hack #3: choose all Australian

While there’s no denying that countries like France and Italy make some fairly stupendous cheeses, and have several millennia more experience in this area than us, this doesn’t mean that they should get all the attention. Especially since Australian cheesemakers are now doing some pretty incredible things.

Where to begin? Kym Masters of Section28 in South Australia is truly a master of the craft. Opt for Monteforte – a raw cow’s milk semi-hard cheese with sweet, milky notes and balanced fruit and earthy undertones. Pecora Dairy in NSW is also doing amazing things with raw milk; their beautifully buttery raw sheep’s milk Yarrawa won a gold medal at the 2018 delicious. Harvey Norman Produce Awards.

Bruny Island Cheese Co. in Tassie creates the kind of cheeses that make you want to weep with joy. Our pick is Oen – an utterly stunning washed-rind cow’s milk cheese that’s washed in pinot noir before being wrapped in vine leaves and matured for 3-4 weeks. You’ll also want to check out Prom Country Cheese, Berrys Creek Gourmet Cheese and Milawa Cheese Company. You can thank us later. Preferably with gifts of cheese. 

Cheese board hack #4: think contrast

Your cheeses are certainly all worthy of standing on their own two feet, but when you pair them with just the right contrasting accompaniments, you can get some truly incredible mouth magic going on.

‘Opposites attract’, so the saying goes. For fresher cheeses (think mild, like feta or chevre), the Studds recommend you add a side of something sweet, like honey, for people to drizzle. Blues like Roquefort and Stilton also work beautifully with honey, fruits or a fig or quince paste. For sharp cheeses like clothbound cheddar, try pairing with hearty seed crackers or wholemeal bread, some earthy Italian salami or juicy pickles.

For salty cheeses like pecorino and Parmigiano, try walnuts, fruit or honey. For stinky cheeses, go for fresh, crusty bread, crisp apples, dried fruits or pickles. Then move on to the next step as you prepare to build your masterpiece. 

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Cheese board hack #5: embrace your inner artist

While we’re all still recovering from the charcuter-tree and charcuterie chalet of last Christmas, this doesn’t mean you have to give up on your dreams of building fancy-looking things out of food.

While you should really leave the cheese alone (perfection must not be trifled with), think about how you’re arranging it, and on what – and with what – you’re arranging it. Choose a fancy wooden board in your desired shape, place your cheeses artfully about, and then go all out with your accompaniments.

Put olives and nuts in cute little bowls. Place pieces of fruit in strategic areas. Make little salami roses. Build a cracker pyramid, or fan them around your wheel of brie in an alluring shape that will be ruined as soon as the first person hoes in. Think colour, contour and confluence. No gaps, and plenty of cheese knives. Here’s our guide to what knife should go with which cheese, and how each cheese should be cut. Now go forth and bring cheese-laden joy – it’s time to get on board. 

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